She did tell me that he pulls away from her too from time to time, so maybe that is what keeps her engaged. Slowly they will forget about you and move on. but my guess is that men are used to going into their shells with their pain maybe? I would not be friends with him the first year after the break up even though he begged. I have since found out that all the abuse that she told me she had suffered at the hands of every man she had been in a relationship with was a complete lie to rope me in. Thankyou for your advice. Now I know he was never really sorry. One thing in my favor is that I dont feel in love with my narc anymore, but I do feel a lot of compassion and friendship for him. They may initiate contact again with that person, almost as if no time has passed. Any advice is appreciated. I nicely let him know what his sister told me about him: she said he was narcissistic, emotionaly abusive and manipuative. If you go no contact, its done no ? Grace to you all reading here and I pray you get strength to leave the narcissists in your life and entrust your life into the care of God. But his behavior was escalating and I was then suspicious of it, this is when affair was discovered. The next day that dog was gone. 99% of us do, but the good thing is that you realize he will never change and youve blocked him for good. I have to agree with Kim. How will he react to me leaving the triangle?? I have a lot to offer a person that walks with me on my path of life. That brokenness that we originally recognized is still there and it is just not fixable by mankind. Should I call him, meet with him? The basic difference (from all my obsessive reading and studying on this behavior) is that BPDs can feel empathy at times. There is also pure NPD. Something I catch myself thinking, Maybe he isnt a narcissist? but then I remember his verbal abuse. I think about you all day during work and dream about you all night. No wonder why everyone seemed to be going in circles including myself. [] Narcissists must have a source of supply for their survival. They are jealous & envious of YOU, they literally want EVERYTHING that you are & you have, including your SOUL In September of last year and six months after disappearing he sent me an e-mail saying he was happy for me, alluding to being disappointed by Paris, saying that I should come see him if I was hesitating on my return to Australia. Generally, when confronted he gets super nasty..while I can feel his anger he has managed to keep it at bay and try to remain civilized and not lash out at me. They are who they are and will never be like us. But everywhere i go there is something thats remainds me of or laughter, our same thinking and taste of everything. The narcissists jealousy will lead them to want to drag you back down to the level you were at when you were together. Imagine how alone youd feel with no support or resources or acknowledgement that narcassism is a real problem. I was virtually approached and aggressively followed-up with by a guy when visiting another city. Things that remind my of him. As painful as what I went through was for me, I would never say my pain was worse than anyone elses experience nor would I say that men suffer less. Yes ! I also recognize the peace I feel would not be if we were anything more than what we are. Not that they care. . This has been the biggest help realizing that the times he was being hateful were reflections of how he really felt about me. Do you think he will try make his way back once he knows how serious I am about not caring to losing everything including the house. But he is, I think, a covered narcissist. Apologies, bit late. Thanks for all your support and encouragement. I'm not going to contact them first, they'll have to contact me first. He needs to be seen as perfect a all times. I thought the same about my ex. At least I hope! Especially because your son is involved. However, a large part of the reason we feel an attachment is often because of trauma-bonding and the mental/physical addiction that occurs as a result of emotional abuse and manipulation. He wrote again last month to say that no matter what I think of him, he loves me and nothing I could ever say or do would make that a lie. I only gave him a year and a half of my time which was a year and a half too long but still, Im really thankful I didnt get knocked up by the guy. You mentioned a narcissist long lists of supply and he has that. Im in love with being your drug, your dagger, your suicide note. She may return days, weeks, months or years later, depending on her needs. I know for a fact that my ex dated a narc for three years and also has a child with him, and I truly believe that the pain he caused her affected her so bad psychologically that she has taken it out on the men that have come after him. Lol I love your description of the jealousy with the overweight woman who glares at you!????? To hear my ex so perfectly described by other people shocks me. You sound young. Ive read through all the stories and cried for all of those whove suffered so much, and smiled for those whove triumphed and learned to come out of the haze of pain. Based on your description, that is what it sounds like to me. My heart is holding on for dear life, even tho I dont want to! Why would he contact me if he has a new supply? Either way, wishing you and your doggie all the best. The narcissist draws you in close, then does an about-face, and begins to withdraw and verbally abuse you. Im one of the lucky ones, only having come out of it with fried adrenal glands, IBS, and a screwed up metabolism due to the high levels of cortisol that used to be blasted out by my adrenals. . Or if he apologizes he expects everything to immediately go back to normal. what if one day she will come forward and say.. You know that it wouldnt be in your best interest. The reason I feel he is classic Narc is the grandiosity, fear of intimacy, lack of empathy, and behaviors he exhibited like gaslighting, triangulating, crazymaking. So whether your ex is serious or not, please dont fall for it. If you left because you could no longer handle the cycle of abuse, they only treated you that way because your actions forced them to. He is 42 and has had a string of relationships that always endI miss talking to fault and and spending time together. 1. Obviously without you I would not die, but a part of me would. 1. Mine was of all things a We talked he told me he would change . It pissed him off enough to remove me from his list of contacts (I then blocked him completely so that he could no longer look me up). Let his sin be known and refuse to cover it up for him like he wants you to! By Jodie Milton. Because in most cases, they will never admit they have a problem. I just been able to come out of my house in months and hes playing mind games while I take the high road. Thus resulting in devaluation of myself and allowing her to walk over me. The answer to that question is EVERYTHING! I was upset and I confronted him. Twist a story to their advantage as if their the victim, and yet, their the culprit. This woman you dated is pure slime. Its another of their classic manipulations. Whats the attraction? 1. Im not talking to him, never begged him but it almost killed me. If you want a stress-free life, Id advise you to run for the hills! They are Masters at the art of manipulation. He dont want to lose me etc. First thougt no dont believe it.. Which is dumb, but I still find myself wondering. I just ignore it. However 18 months in we get to the facts that no matter how infatuated with her I was. Not reliable. He would never acknowlegde my beautifull aspects of my as a person. If someone wants to be part of it good. But i dont want to rush in to an other relationship still mourning him. His friends still works their, so he could have asked them to call. One may wonder why I get so many of them (Ive mentioned the group of 7 elsewhere before). I keep trying to justify his behavior. Hes like you wont fight? Thanks Kim for this wonderful blog. you will go on for a far greater than you can ever imagine LOVE yet to be. Everything Ive read, everything I know tells me this isnt what I really want but I feel so broken and worthless. It's part of a healthy ego. But today and yesterday i miss him. I was too sick to get to police and didnt understand what was going on due to brain infection/surgery. There is nothing going on. Samantha, one reason is that they cant show their true colors to the new supply. At least if the cycle continues, there is comfort in its familiarity. My words to him were I forgive you because I know you are a tortured soul. I hope you get some help because I think you have a lot of potential. And now, for his final act, he started talking to that girl from his job, which I had suspect he was because he looked her up on fb. They just dont get it. I am struggling. That is something that will take time. I am probably right! I guess Im not supposed to know what to do. Advice please, and why now feel the need to tell me or try warn me off?? When he dated her, he attended her annual family outings. I think about you constantly and not in an obsessive way but in ways such as I wonder what would think of this? or I wish she could see this. or simply I need her right now. Need. One month of No Contact and my ex hasn't contacted me yet. But I have finally accepted who he is and that he cant and wont change and that there is no future for us. I signed away rught to sue the cityand had a record of spousal abuse. So, Im curious if the things I said hit home and he is just too proud to admit that Im right. We cant hate because thats not part of our makeup. totally mental, but I am not mental even though hes tried his hardest to convince me that I am. learned from the fasting/prayer is that it was time chance and circumstance for ex., they dont diagnose children. So we might all be HURTING REAL BAD right now but as much as it hurts & oh boy does it hurt & each & every one of you out there will know exactly what that feels like, I personally would rather be me & hurt this much than be like one of them !!.. I have lost everything; family, health, pension, processions, heirlooms, the house, car, reputation, love, and trust. [Read: What is Hoovering? I naturally like the previous poster am a protecter and caregiver, i want the best for my loved ones and give up has never been a option in my life until now. This will have to suffice. He thinks he is a master. Pretty silly aspirations huh!? Im worried he wants revenge. I viewed my daughter as a previous God that I should be there for support when needed. He said affcourse. I felt good that they had my unconditional love, but they dont care they dont truly love you back, they just love the fact we fell for it, to use us in every way they can. Anyway, last Friday was my birthday as well as his uncles (HE WILL FOREVER REMEMBER MY BIRTHDAY!). Its so difficult for people to understand this on and of relations who did not went through this. I even ready an article where it asked the partner of a narcissist, Are you sleep deprived? yes, he is fearful of my presence and tells the kidss, I dont want your mother anywhere near me, lol. You probably want to feel like he has some kind of feelings inside so he has some humanity inside and you would feel more connected if he was also suffering. I ALMOST ANSWERED HIM.. After reading this I feel stronger because he has actually now resorted to leaving voice messages. He gives me a glimpse of the man I fell in love with. I was devastated But, funny enough guess where he moved too? OH, and for the kids sake I believe you SHOULD stay distant from him. And a few happy moments is not worth the price you have to pay. His response: It is nothing, you are absolutely crazy, we just were having a good time. I was angry about being decieved and lied to for months while she was triangulating him an I. I called her and told her I finally knew the truth. Heart is holding on for a far greater than you can ever imagine love yet to.... If their the culprit something I catch myself thinking, maybe he isnt a narcissist slowly they will forget you... 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